Misplace a cell phone, gain a friend

I must apologize for the lack of blog entries lately. Life here at good old Ulpan Etzion has been hectic. During one of our snowball fights, I think I lost my cell phone. I have since found it, but for anyone trying to reach me, all is well, and there is no need to worry. On Thursday, several of us went out to Izen (a loud, obnoxious bar) for the 3rd and final time. I can’t stand that place. Yes the music is fine, but the drinks are ridiculously expensive, there is no place to dance, every sweaty disgusting Israeli guy tries picking up on your girlfriends, and the walk back is too far. In short, Izen is where fun goes to die. I spent a very quiet and restful Shabbat at the ulpan. Since a few of us are shomer-Shabbos ( we don’t do any form of work) there aren’t always a lot of activities for us. We played UNO (yes that annoying juvenile card game with the numbers and colors) for about 3 hours on Friday night. We just chatted and made fun of each other’s countries: England, France, and the United States.

Saturday night was an interesting night. Samuel, the other Boston guy, left his cartise (credit card) at Izen on Thursday night and we returned trying to hopefully find the card. We stayed for a drink, and one drink turned into 3 which become 7 and so forth. I found it odd that so many Israelis go out on Saturday night when they have to work in the morning. Samuel and I spoke some Hebrew. We had a nice, chill, no drama evening trying to pick up Israeli women.

On Monday, I battled the ulpan bitch, who shall remain nameless. Apparently I had yet to pay Ulpan Etzion’s rent fee. Life is crazy busy here. All the banks and businesses were closed during the great blizzard last week, and I don’t always have time to stop what I’m doing. Needless to say, I didn’t appreciate her tactless, Israeli way of communication, and I told her to kindly tone down her rhetoric. I spent most of Monday running around, trying to finalize my payment. I even left class 20 minutes early and arrived at lunch late. After she received my payment, we all kissed and made up. I refuse to be treated differently because I am an oleh chadash. Israelis wouldn’t dare expect other Israeli to run around like a fool. You’ll receive the money when I have the money and that’s only after my heater and toilet are working well and the food tastes better. Life is funny over here. There are 2 systems to live by: the official system which is supposed to be followed and the defacto, social system which trumps anything in writing. Nothing is finalized or edged in stone. One official from the governmental, bank, army, ulpan, or whatever agency might say one thing, and then tomorrow a different person says something completely different. Both aren’t true and sometimes both are correct. Who do you believe? Well, you learn to sift through the bullshit. Sometimes what’s in writing is golden while some other rules, laws, fees, or policies are negotiable. It makes for a complicated but never dull existence.

Hebrew classes are going very well this week. I am focused, as always, on learning verbs and slowly increasing my vocabulary. I have seen a slight but noticeable improvement in knowledge and even pronunciation. I really love most of the people here. I am distant from only a few groups: the Russians, external students (who study here but live outside the area), and Israelis who don’t live here at all. I feel as though I need to adventure out of the ulpan towards the city center more where I can speak more Hebrew with Israelis and explore all that the city has to offer.

The following is a true, but slightly non-kosher story.

Now, as previously noted, Ulpan Etzion is a very eclectic Hebrew learning institution where students from all backgrounds gather to absorb and assimilate into Israel society. I am about to sound like a complete snobbish, elitist asshole, but I have noticed that many people hale from slightly hmm less civilized societies where many Westernized customs don’t exist. Many residents here don’t understand proper dinning room etiquette (It’s never acceptable to ask for a glass of milk during a meat dinner, and on Shabbat!!) or washroom niceties. Case in point, the bathroom below us is disgusting. Several students haven’t been properly disposing of waste. I find urine on the toilet seats and fecal matter in the waste baskets all the time. I don’t have a clue who is doing this because apparently it’s a normal minhag (traditional custom) in Brazil, Russia, and Ethiopia. This needs to stop like yesterday. I never thought the day would occur when I needed to explain to grown men in 2008 that waste must be put into and flushed down the toilet. Most of us are civilized and rather cultural. I have met amazing individuals like Steven who was an optometrist in South Africa or Francisco who was a lawyer in Brazil. Recently I have begun talking to this really sweet French girl named Gersand who works with art.

I must just briefly express my appreciation but disappointment in the Super Bowl. Obviously, by now we all know that my beloved New England Patriots lost to the New York Giants. I was extremely impressed with the Giants defense. I think in the off-season we must invest in some younger, stronger, faster safeties, linebackers, nose-tackles, and cornerbacks. We didn’t play poorly but our defense let us done when we need it the most. Spring training is only 2 weeks away!!

Alright ladies and gents: Stay tuned because I have so much more I want to write about. I’ll try and post before Shabbat, but if not Shabbat Shalom.

David